


What His Heart Cannot Take

by ourdreamsrealized



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Love, Near Death Experiences, Romance, Tragedy, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 01:39:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18378302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourdreamsrealized/pseuds/ourdreamsrealized
Summary: The thought of you dying was unacceptable and something he just couldn’t take.





	What His Heart Cannot Take

**Author's Note:**

> Posting stuff from my Tumblr. Enjoy!

When Bilbo set you free from the dungeons of Mirkwood, you were relieved. In fact, you scarcely felt any emotion besides that since you had joined The Company. You had been in so many situations where you could’ve died, and you had seen your life flash before your eyes enough to remember every slight detail of it. In the end, when you found your lungs still expanding and shrinking with the beating of your heart, you always felt the same relief.

“Oh, Bilbo, I could kiss you!” you had exclaimed in your bliss, throwing your arms around the hobbit.

Feeling quite awkward with you in his arms and with the glare of a certain dwarf upon him, Bilbo was quick to push you away, “You’re welcome, Y/N, but there is no need to thank me.”

You just gave him a grin, looking to the dwarves and remaining completely oblivious to the jealousy of one, and how, in that moment, he would have given anything to be Bilbo.

“We don’t have much time, but I have devised an escape plan,” Bilbo said as he led you from the dungeons into the labyrinth that was the basement of Mirkwood castle. 

“How did you get passed the guards?” you questioned, quite curious. The hobbit wasn’t known for his stealth.

“That is a matter to be explained at a different time…”

You were a bit disappointed by his answer, but understood. As he had pointed out, there wasn’t much time before The Company’s absence would be detected.

“So what is this plan of yours?” Kili practically spat, moving to the front of the group, near you and Bilbo.

Shocked by his tone, you turned to look at the youngest Durin. His eyes met yours for a moment, widened, and quickly averted themselves from your gaze.

You frowned at him, but your attention was stolen by Bofur’s harsh voice.

“…you’re supposed to be leading us out, not further in!”

“I know what I’m doing,” Bilbo responded waving The Company down a small flight of stairs into what looked like a wine cellar. “Into the barrels! Quickly!”

You did as he asked without question, slipping into the nearest one with ease. The dwarves, however, were a bit skeptical about following you.

“Are you mad? They’ll find us!”

It was then that the hobbit begged for their trust. Such pleas must have meant something to your companions because they, though a bit hesitant, began to fill the barrels.

Kili took the one next to yours, keeping his head above the rim to look at you.  
You gave him a small smile, and he returned the gesture, his grin reaching his chocolate eyes. 

“What do we do now?”

Everyone turned to look at your rescuer, who walked back towards the entrance.

“Hold your breath.”

Your initial reaction to his statement was to look at Kili, terror in your wide eyes. His gaze met yours, and all you saw was concern.

He opened his mouth to say something when you began to roll.

You let out a scream that you were sure would blow your cover, but you did not think of that. You just prayed to Mahal that you would somehow survive whatever plan the hobbit had in store.

* * *

When Kili first hit the water, he was thinking of you. 

You looked like you had unknowingly greeted death, and all Kili wanted to do was wrap his arms around you and tell you that he would keep you safe.  
Now you were all trapped at the gate, and the orcs had come. You were drenched, shivering from the cold of the ending day, and he could see you were holding back tears.

He was kicking himself for not getting into your barrel with you. 

But he could still save you.

And he would.

Kili looked at you one last time, catching your beautiful, confused eyes, before climbing out of his container and make his way up towards the switch that would set everyone free.

For a long time, luck seemed to be on his side. He was making his way up the stone, removing any orc that happened to be in his path. He was too engulfed in what was a head, too focused on what he set out to do. How could he have foreseen the arrow until it was firmly lodged within his leg, sending spirals of pain throughout his body.

“Kili!”

Your voice had mixed with his brother’s, and he so desperately wanted to assure the both of you that he was fine–that he would be fine; he wasn’t too sure about that, though. 

As he fell to his back, he saw the other orc making its way to him, but he couldn’t focus on it. He couldn’t come up with a plan or comprehend the wound he had just received. All his thoughts and his heart was settled on one thing.  
He didn’t want to die. Mahal, he hadn’t even told you how he felt yet.  
And that would be his biggest regret.

_Fssshhooop!_

The sound of an arrow ripping through the air barely registered in Kili’s mind until he saw his end fall. The orc was dead.

He whirled around to see that the she-elf had given him another day, another chance to say he loved you.

He would use it wisely.

Ignoring the ache that tore through him as he moved his way over to the switch, he tried once, twice to pull it. Finally, he threw all his weight upon the trigger, opening the gates below the bridge to let his kin free. 

Kili fell to his back with a dull thud and groan only to force himself up again upon hearing your call. He couldn’t stay here.

With whatever strength he had left in him, he jumped down into his barrel, joining his brother. Once he caught his breath, he turned to his older sibling, “Where is she?”

“She was ahead of me,” Fili nodded towards the rushing water.

Kili followed his brother’s gesture, feeling a knot form in his throat that was much more painful than the arrow in his lower limb.

* * *

You tried so very hard to breathe as water overwhelmed all your senses. When you thought it would stop, more came, but finally, you could inhale and exhale the air.

You let out a few coughs, freeing your body of the water’s intrusion, before looking about you. 

“Y/N!”

You turned at the sound of your leader’s voice, seeing Thorin and Dwalin a ways behind you. 

“Where is Kili?”

“He will be fine, Lass, just try to grab onto something!”

His words gave you no comfort, but you knew there was nothing you could do in the present moment. You would, instead, try to focus on self-preservation.  
You looked along the cliffs that lined the river, searching for something–anything–you could take a hold of to keep yourself in place, but nothing looked sturdy enough. Also, you had no means of getting closer to the rock; the waters kept you firmly in the middle of the tide.

Behind you, you could hear the chaos of arrows and orc snarls, and all you could think of was Kili. Was he alright?

“Y/N!”

Your heartbeat quickened immediately as if the organ was trained to respond to his voice. You spun around to see Kili in his barrel, safe and sound, and, in your excitement, you got on the tips of your toes, waving to him, “Kili! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but–Y/N! Watch out!”

Your didn’t have time to react, and the water was a cold shock to your body.

* * *

“Y/N!" 

Kili moved his arms as in frantic motions, trying to propel himself in the harsh waters to get closer to where he had last seen your head above water, but, alas, he had no sight of you. 

"Wait, Kili!”

Behind him, his uncle shouted for him to let the current carry him; the current wasn’t fast enough for him, so until he reached calmer waters, he wadded as fast as he could, ignoring his throbbing wound and arm muscles.

“Move for the shore! C'mon, let’s go!”

“Where is she?”

“Calm yourself, Kili,” his brother placed a hand upon his shoulder. “She might be ashore already.”

“There is no sign of her!” Kili exclaimed, crying out in agony as he lifted himself from the barrel and attempted to swim away from land.

He was immediately stopped.

“Do not be foolish. In your condition, you cannot swim,” Fili scolded him, keeping his grip on the back of Kili’s shirt collar.

“He is right,” Thorin said from shore, ringing out his shirt. “You must be attended to.”

“What about Y/N?” Kili growled, struggling against his elder sibling’s hold.

“Bring him here, Fili,” Thorin commanded, and, of course, Fili followed his orders.

Kili was practically dragged from the water like a child, but as soon as Fili let go, he would run for the river again.

“Do not even consider it.”

Somehow, his brother knew.

“You don’t understand!” Kili shouted, attempting to get to his feet and wincing as he did so. “She is vital to this quest!”

“That may be true, but you are not thinking logically,” Thorin pointed out with a snarl. “We narrowly escaped back there, and we must keep moving!”

“I refuse to move on until I find her!”

“Stop being so irrational, Kili! The odds of her being alive are–”

“Enough!” Dwalin shouted, not backing down when his friend turned on him.

“Don’t you understand, Thorin? The boy is in love with her!”

Thorin’s eyes widened at that, and he spun around to look at his nephew, fixing him with a stone-cold gaze, “Is what Dwalin says true?”

“Well…I…uh…" 

Kili fumbled over his own words, feeling quite embarrassed at the truth Dwalin had brought to the attention of the entire company.

"Wait! Look over there!”

“What is that?”

Kili limped as he moved to see what had grabbed the others’ attention. There, a long ways down the coast, he could see a figure lying on the rocks.  
He would know her anywhere.

“Y/N!”

He tried to run, only getting so far before the pain overtook his drive, and he fell to his knees. Still, he was determined to get to you, so he crawled on his hands and knees.

“Y/N…” he whispered, moving your damp hair from your face to see that your chest was indeed moving up and down with your silent breaths.

The sight alone relieved him of all worries and pains.

He caressed the softness of your cheek to make sure you were real–that you weren’t some cruel illusion his deepest desires had conjured up. It seemed so surreal, and you were so gorgeous, even when you had almost drowned. 

His eyes wandered your body, taking in the folds of the shirt you were wearing–his shirt, which was a few sizes too big, that you had to borrow because your own had had orc blood on it and his was the smallest shirt available–and your lack of pants. Your smooth legs were exposed to his eager sight; he knew you had taken them off within your struggle to keep afloat. His pants were a bit too heavy on you.

Whether it was the feeling of his calloused fingers against your face or his heavy gaze that woke you, he knew not, but the pure joy that welled up inside of him when your eyes fluttered open was unlike anything he had ever experienced.

You were alive.

Thank, Mahal.

“K-Kili?”

You blinked as you looked up at him, squinting under the sun’s powerful light.

“Yes?”

You sat up quickly, startling the poor dwarf, and examined him, “Are you okay? You were shot!”

Your orbs trailed down to see the arrow protruding from just below his knee, and a gasp escaped your lips, “How are you not in writhing from the pain? We have to treat that right now!”

You trailed off as you got up to your wobbly feet only to trip into his lap, your hands landing on his shoulders.

A blush made its way to both your cheeks, and for a while you both just stared. Kili was the first to laugh and the first to move. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you to him in a bone-crushing hug.

“Mahal, Y/N. Don’t ever do that to me again! My heart cannot take it.”


End file.
